Why do you keep practising what you don't want to be?
You do not say something is not okay with you. You agree even though you do not want to. Later, you tell someone that nobody takes your opinion into account again.
You have reasons to be angry. It is also worth asking what stops you from expressing that anger where the issue begins.
Are you afraid of conflict? Someone's disapproval? Or does saying no feel like risking the relationship?
“Start speaking up” alone is not enough. What you keep quiet about and what you expect if you say directly what you think matter too.
You want closeness, but fear showing that you have different needs. You care about respect, but avoid raising a matter that hurts you. Before a conversation, you mainly think about how the other person will react.
Perhaps silence once helped you avoid rejection or punishment. It is worth checking whether it is still needed today. And whether your current relationship really allows you to speak freely.
Complaining deserves attention too. Sometimes it helps name harm and obtain support. Sometimes you repeat the same complaint but still find it hard to say what you want.
“No one helps me.” What help do you need?
“Everything is always on my shoulders.” What do you want to stop doing?
“They do not take me into account.” What behaviour do you no longer want to accept?
These questions do not remove other people's responsibility. They help you hear your own needs before overlooking them again.
Giving up your own needs can be hard to notice. You postpone rest. Withdraw a request. Say “never mind” although the matter still occupies you.
The question in the title is not an accusation. It is about understanding why you repeat something that does not serve you. What do you preserve by doing it? What do you avoid? What do you give up?
You do not have to begin with a major confrontation. Start by naming, for yourself, what you usually keep quiet about. If there are threats or violence in the relationship, seek safety and support. Communication alone will not stop the harm.
Hanna Swierczewska
Psychologist, psychotraumatologist, psycho-oncologist
If you would like to talk about your situation, you are welcome to book an online consultation.
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