Why do I withdraw from contact with others?
You want to speak up, but end up saying nothing. You put off replying to a message. You cancel a meeting although the person matters to you. Afterwards, you blame yourself.
Before deciding something is wrong with you, look at what holds you back.
Sometimes it is fear of judgement. Before you start speaking, you already wonder how someone will react. Whether you will say too much. Whether you will be a bother. In the end, you choose silence although you have something to say.
If someone previously ridiculed, dismissed or interrupted you, speaking freely about yourself is difficult at first, even with someone who wants to listen.
It is also worth noticing what happens in your current relationship. Does the other person listen? Let you finish? Respect your refusal? Not every difficulty with contact needs to be explained by your own lack of confidence.
Sometimes you are tired of being constantly available. Of conversations, replies and attending to other people's matters. You need peace. You have the right not to answer the phone and to decline a meeting.
A problem arises when you want contact but increasingly avoid it. You miss someone, yet do not reply. The longer the silence lasts, the harder returning to the conversation becomes.
You do not have to begin by explaining everything. A short message is enough: “I have been less in touch lately. I would like to see you.” Choose someone around whom you feel more comfortable. Meet one to one if a large group is too difficult now.
If withdrawal persists and causes you distress, it is worth talking about it. During a consultation, we will look at what happens in specific situations and what you need then.
You do not have to make more social connections. What matters is making it easier to reach out when you want to and say what is important to you.
Hanna Swierczewska
Psychologist, psychotraumatologist, psycho-oncologist
If you would like to talk about your situation, you are welcome to book an online consultation.
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